Positivity - Happiness Can Be Learned
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Every day presents us with plenty of reasons to despair. Nevertheless, by applying just a few scientifically tested tips and tricks, it is possible to train positive emotions – and thus strengthen wellbeing and self-healing powers.
1. Separate Fact from Fiction
Who is not familiar with these internal monologues that we use to berate ourselves: “I am always losing my things.” “I never let anyone finish their sentence, and this is why nobody likes me.” If the inner voice is programmed for pessimism, we will eventually believe all this negativity, warns Travis Bradberry, co-author of the bestseller “Emotional Intelligence 2.0”. One thing is certain: of course, we sometimes lose our things but not always. And we mostly let other people finish their sentences. Bradberry’s tip: write down your negative thoughts. If we stop our train of thought in order to make notes, the negative dynamic will also slow down – and we are able to test the amount of truth contained within our pessimistic thoughts in our own good time. Our brains have a tendency towards exorbitant exaggeration when it comes to the perceived frequency or gravity of an event. If our thoughts include words such as “always”, “never”, “consistently”, etc., these statements are incorrect. Most of the time.
2. Find the Positive
Even during the worst of times, positive things will happen to us, points out psychologist Judith Moskowitz from Northwestern University in Chicago. She trains positive emotions with gravely ill people. She advises them to identify a positive experience every day, however insignificant it may seem. Her tip: savoring the moment or telling someone about it. Patients who fell ill with HIV or diabetes were better able to cope with the stress of their disease following these positive emotion-based exercises. A simple way of elevating positive everyday events into one’s consciousness: the “bean method”. “For this approach, I place five dried beans in my left pant pocket in the morning”, suggests Moskowitz. “Every time something good happens to me, I transfer one to my right pocket. In the evening, the beans will tell me how many times this day has presented me with something good. At that time, I should also revisit the concrete events that made the beans move from one pocket to the other.
3. Keep a Gratitude Diary
The gratitude diary is another classic among the exercises of positive psychology. According to a study published in the “Journal of Personality and Social Psychology”, regularly writing down of a minimum of three things for which we are thankful is proven to enhance positive emotions. This includes not only pleasant events – such as, for example, the effusive praise offered by the colleague. Small things, too, like the ray of sunshine falling through the leaves in the forest, are worth mentioning. Not least, we are reminded to honor our own personal and professional successes as this will strengthen our self-confidence and optimism. According to other studies, a gratitude journal is also connected with better sleep, improved cardiovascular health, decreasing pain and fewer depressive symptoms.
4. Be Good to Others
A good deed every day: those who bring joy to others and thus strengthen their wellbeing are doing themselves a favor at the same time. This is what is behind the concept of “random acts of kindness”. The recommendation: one friendly deed per day benefiting another person. Even small things may make a huge difference – from a friendly compliment for your neighbor to a donation for the homeless. A Japanese study on the meaning of friendliness in the context of the creation of subjective happiness, published in the “Journal of Happiness Studies”, has shown that those who regularly write down their positive actions will give their optimism an extra boost. The participating students who had counted their own friendly actions over the course of a week increased their subjective feeling of happiness. Moreover, happy people will become even more friendly and grateful by also counting their friendly actions. The benefits of kindness are evidently not limited to the recipient alone.
5. Surround Yourself with More Optimists
“Tell me with whom you associate, and I will tell you who you are”: Many children will sooner or later be confronted with this quote by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe. It does contain a grain of truth, as according to researchers, emotions are contagious, the negative as well as the positive – a phenomenon known as “social contagion”. According to sociologist Nicholas Christakis of Harvard University, happiness is transmitted from one person to another like the flu.
If people who are close to us are happier when we are together, we ourselves will become happier. The flipside: if we are often in contact with negative people, the negativity can rub off on us. This is not only true for individuals: a miserable boss can poison the atmosphere in their entire department. If, on the other hand, you surround yourself with positive friends and colleagues, their optimistic outlook and positive stories will benefit your own thoughts and mood. This is why mother is right when she advises: choose your friends with care!
Humor, Seriously
Why humor is a secret weapon in business and life
Psychologist Dr. Jennifer Aaker and comedian Naomi Bagdonas teach a course about the profound potential of humor at Stanford’s Business School. Their book “Humor, Seriously – Why Humor is a Secret Weapon in Business and Life” breaks down the positive effects of humor on our lives and careers. Especially in workplaces humor seems underrated. Their studies show that humor has the power to boost our self-esteem and increase our sense of competence. This topic and book are so relevant that they have their own website:
https://www.humorseriously.com
Jennifer Aaker & Naomi Bagdonas, 272 pages, Penguin Random House, approx. 21 euros
A Man Called Ove
Ove is one of those people who walk through life with a bleak outlook. The pensioner is grumpy with his neighbors; he does not like children, and he reports parking violations. Black humor is his daily companion – until a family moves in next door who will turn his life, with all its principles, on its head. The screen adaptation of the eponymous bestselling book by Fredrik Backman shows in a touching and at the same time sarcastic manner how a seemingly humorless person learns to take life easy.Amazon Prime Video, approx. 6 – 10 euros
